Holly Pruett
  • Contact
  • Blog
  • Stories
  • Services
  • About Holly
  • Life-Cycle Ceremonies
    • Overview
    • Beginning of Life
    • Coming of Age
    • Weddings & Unions
    • Mid-Life
    • End of Life
    • Organizations & Community

Forged from the Flames of Divorce

7/25/2013

1 Comment

 
Picture
How do you release yourself from a marriage once it’s over but the wreckage remains? I was recently privileged to hear the story of a woman – I’ll call her Linda – who designed three rituals of release over the course of several years of grief and healing.

On what would have been the 10th anniversary of her marriage, about six months after her husband had left her, Linda invited three friends to a nearby jewelry store where she melted down her wedding ring. 

Listening to Shaina Noll’s “How Could Anyone” (“…ever tell you/ you were anything less than beautiful…”), they lit a candle. Linda used a jewelry torch to transform her wedding ring back into its elemental state: a pebble of pure gold. She then shared her story with her friends. 

Ten years ago we exchanged these rings as we took our marriage vows. The rings symbolized at that time our love and commitment to one another. We had picked them out together and they reflected the joining of our lives, our union of marriage, and our intentions to love, cherish and be faithful to one another. That was 10 years ago and our lives have moved in different directions, taking different paths…. At this juncture my wedding rings do not hold for me the meaning they did 10 years ago. As I partake in this ritual of melting the gold of my rings, I further let go of the relationship for which they symbolized my commitment. I step fully into this new chapter of my life with greater self-understanding and a solid commitment to remain true to myself in my future connections, relationships and lifestyle. Additionally, I take with me fond memories, cherished times and lessons learned from my marriage. To symbolize this I will carry forward the two small diamonds from my rings to be integrated into my new purple sapphire ring – colors and stones of healing and strength – bringing what was good in my marriage forward into my future life.    
Picturenew ring, gold pebble from wedding ring
The ritual concluded as Linda slipped onto her finger the new ring she had designed, incorporating two small diamond chips from her engagement ring. Then they broke open a bottle of champagne.

Some months later, Linda and her ex-husband met in their therapist’s office to exchange words of release and forgiveness. They used the unity candle from their marriage to light two “new beginnings” candles, then extinguished the marriage candle together. Linda's vision was that this would “symbolize the taking of the positives, the good memories, and achievements from our marriage as enlightenment and strength as we now pursue different paths.” 

These rituals were no magic wand. They didn’t erase the pain, but they did provide a sense of agency and connection during a life trauma that can be accompanied by deep feelings of helplessness and isolation. They marked a moment in time, providing witness to what was true in that moment, summoning the strength and clarity of intention needed for the next phase of the healing journey.

Looking back nearly two years later, Linda says of the joint ritual in the therapist’s office, “I was perhaps kinder and gentler as I sought some kind of ongoing hopeful connection; in later reflections I realized I had deeper grief and anger to work through.”

As she continued to work through her grief and anger, she designed a final ritual, a homecoming into the circle of women friends that had been strained by the dynamics of the divorce. They gathered for a slumber party, putting to rest another step along Linda's path to embracing her beautiful wholeness.

Picture
"How could anyone ever tell you? 
You were anything less than beautiful... 
How could anyone ever tell you? 
You were less than whole... 

How could anyone fail to notice? 
That your loving is a miracle... 
How deeply you're connected to my soul..."

~ Shaina Noll’s “How Could Anyone” 

Picture
*       *       *

My deep thanks to "Linda" for sharing her story of courage and creativity. Please let me know if you have a story to share.

1 Comment

Emily's Gratitude Ceremony

7/19/2013

1 Comment

 
PictureFrom "Emily's Transformation" crowd-sourced fundraising page
“This will be a celebration of the power of community.” 

With these words Emily Pittman Newberry invited friends and supporters to a ceremony to celebrate her healing after gender confirming surgery. This Gratitude Ceremony was for all who contributed in some small or large way to support her journey.


Picture
“My surgery is complete and I am well on the way to healing. I could not have done this without the help of the communities to which I belong. Please come to this celebration and accept my thanks. I want everyone to be there. Did you organize an appetizer party or contribute money? I want you there. Did you help out with logistics? I want you there. Did you send me your positive thoughts or prayers, pass on the word to your other friends or use newfound knowledge about transgender life to educate someone? I want you there. Please bring a single flower of your choice to place in a community container.”

On a Sunday afternoon, 30 friends came together in a circle to accept Emily’s thanks and, as she puts it, “to contemplate the importance of what we did together….my successful campaign and healing was uplifted by a sea of love.” As one expression of her gratitude, Emily announced that she would be paying it forward by helping a dear friend launch a similar campaign to raise funds for her own gender confirming surgery. Emily also sent everyone home with two symbols of her appreciation.

Emily offered the first, a signed broadside with three of her poems, to “serve as a reminder of the beauty of love when materialized in the things we say and do. A reminder that may help us to be mindful of the ways, small or large, that we can act lovingly every day.” 


Picture
The second, a single flower from the ceremony’s collective vase, would die in a few days, Emily reminded everyone. “As part of the compost it will return to the earth and help to bring new life into being. Similarly, our temporary community is passing away. Each of us will act like one of the molecules of the flower, returning to the web of relationships in which we are immersed. We will each find some way to bring about new life, mindful of the never-ending cycle of which we are a part.”

Life-Cycle Celebrant Dannielle Yates, a member of one of Emily’s women’s circles, helped create the ceremony. "Emily’s courage and strength are an inspiration," Dannielle says. "It was an honor to witness and support her transformation on the spiritual, physical, mental and emotional levels. It is easy to feel limited when caught in the ‘I have to do it myself’ belief. Once Emily surrendered to the vulnerability of asking for help, having faith that others would step forward to answer the call and knowing she was worthy of it, a powerful community rallied to make it so.” 

*        *         *
Thanks to Life-Cycle Celebrant Dannielle Yates for suggesting Emily’s story, and to Emily for sharing it. Visit Emily's indigogo page to learn more about the politics surrounding insurance coverage of gender-confirming surgery.


Picture
Click on the book cover image to learn more about Emily’s book of poetry, Butterfly a Rose.
1 Comment

A Name of One's Own

7/13/2013

0 Comments

 
Picture
In Coming of Age: Dos & Don'ts I recounted the risky ways I navigated my teenaged rites of passage, and shared a friend's attempt to provide better support for her daughter and another adolescent. This week my sister Celebrant Lara Vesta tells the story of a rites of passage re-do in which a colleague renamed herself and inspired other rebirths.

*           *              *    
 
In 2010, my dear friend, Moon Divas partner and co-conspirator Deva Munay, decided that she needed a rite of passage ceremony. We had spoken often about the absence of any rite of passage acknowledgement in our own adolescence, and how we leave our children to forage their way to adulthood alone. For women, the other rite of passage ceremony is often marriage, something I did at 22, a decision that came about in part due to an absence of acknowledgement of my own power as an adult and differentiation from my family. 

Deva wanted to claim her missing rite of passage. She decided to create her own.

Deva was 35, leaving for a year long sojourn in Peru, after which she planned to move from Boulder, Colorado to California. She had recently decided to change her name and was receiving huge resistance from her family about it. She wanted to claim her life for herself, not as defined by her family of origin or social expectations. For the ceremony, she invited a vast circle of friends and supporters, the officiant being one of her mentors for years. I flew out from Oregon and surprised her. The ceremony was created in the hours before its commencement, organic and living.

Though I didn't know it at the time, that experience was a dramatic initiation for us both. I first heard the word Celebrant in the hours after the ceremony, when I shared with a woman present that I felt drawn to rite of passage work. In the winter of 2010, while Deva was deep in the Peruvian Andes, I began writing the Moon Divas Guidebook, a synthesis of our two years of work together teaching Moon Divas workshops.  

Our lives are transformed by intention, and that is the gift of ceremony. 

Picture
*           *              *

Special thanks to Deva Munay for permission to share her story, and to Lara Vesta for telling it so beautifully.

Check out Lara's free ebook version of the Moon Divas Guidebook. Download a page and add your own colorful touches. If you email Lara with your results she'll send you another free ebook, her Goddess Coloring Book and Self-Care Planner. 

0 Comments

Fairy Log

7/7/2013

0 Comments

 
Picture
As a kid, I was a bit of a brat. I protested mightily whenever my mother packed us up for a trip to our nearest relations for Easter or Thanksgiving dinner. It was a two-hour drive; I got carsick; I didn’t see the point. “Someday,” my mother predicted, “you’ll appreciate family traditions.”

She was right of course (and I’ve since given her the satisfaction of telling her so). I appreciate family traditions so much these days that I’m all about making more of both – more family, more traditions.

When I was 17 I took up the family imperative to emigrate. Like my mother’s parents who had moved from Italy to the US; like my father who had left the South as a teenager for New England and then left his marriage for Hawaii; I flew across the country for college in Oregon and never looked back. With my family of origin 3,000 miles away in either direction I had the good fortune to be adopted at the age of 22 by a pack of lesbians.

Friends since college, they’d migrated from Bowling Green, Ohio by way of Corvallis and now gathered several times a year for holidays. Thanksgiving in the Columbia River Gorge. Christmas Eve in town where the original gang poses on the couch for an annual portrait while they belt out the BGSU fight song. Fourth of July on the Nehalem River in the Oregon Coast Range.

Over the years this extended community has celebrated each other’s birthdays and anniversaries (35 years for the longest-standing couple), and mourned each other’s losses. And the family keeps expanding, with kids and new partners, new friends. 

Picture
I’ve come to inherit a tradition established by the host of our Fourth of July campout. Years ago she found the perfect Fairy Log in the wooded acres above the main camp. Covered in moss and surrounded by wildflowers, the log invites the imagination of the kids who trek to visit it. As they crest the hill, shafts of sunlight illuminating the log, they discover what mischief the fairies have been up to. A bottle cap from our kitchen, little bits of food, agates from the river below – it’s clear the fairies have been amongst us.

Being the keeper of the Fairy Log gives me an excuse for a quiet solo walk in the woods away from the boisterous camaraderie of the firepit and swimming hole. As I made my way to it this year, pockets full of secret fairy loot, I started out on the wrong trail. But I didn’t worry. I had faith that all paths would lead to the Fairy Log. Sure enough, after a few meanderings I saw those rays of sunlight like nature’s neon sign flashing on my destination. A little critter – a chipmunk or a squirrel – hopped off the log as I approached. Two orange butterflies danced around me. A snail inched its way across the trail. I almost expected Bambi and Thumper to show up.

And the next day the kids’ anticipation and the look on their faces as they came upon the log made me fall in love with tradition all over again.

Picture
A Fairy Song

Over hill, over dale,
Thorough bush, thorough brier,
Over park, over pale,
Thorough flood, thorough fire!
I do wander everywhere,
Swifter than the moon's sphere;
And I serve the Fairy Queen,
To dew her orbs upon the green;
The cowslips tall her pensioners be;
In their gold coats spots you see;
Those be rubies, fairy favours;
In those freckles live their savours;
I must go seek some dewdrops here,
And hang a pearl in every cowslip's ear. 


~ William Shakespeare

0 Comments
    Picture
    Picture

    Archives

    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    October 2012
    September 2012

    Author

    I want to know your story. And I want to help you tell it. If you’re eager to embrace the meaning in your life and to connect more deeply with others, you’ve found a kindred spirit in me.

    Categories

    All
    Adventures
    Anniversaries
    Beginning Of Life
    Ceremonies
    Coming Of Age
    Community
    House Rituals
    Memorials
    Pet Loss
    Publications
    Seasons
    Transitions
    Tributes
    Weddings

    RSS Feed


  • Holly Pruett Celebrant LLC – Creative Life Ceremonies from Cradle to Grave
  • Certified Life-Cycle Celebrant ® | Funeral & Wedding Officiant | Interfaith Minister
  • holly@hollypruettcelebrant.com | 503.348.0967 | Portland, Oregon, USA
  • Copyright © 2012 | Design by Red Door Designs
  • eMail
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Google Plus
  • RSS Feed
Design by Weebly Templates and Weebly Themes
Storybrand Website Design by Red Door Designs