When Trevor and Kristel began planning their wedding ceremony, they knew they wanted to weave in their family, but they weren’t sure how.
Kristel told me, “I want our guests to know that the love Trevor and I share is not only is being freely given to each other, but that we love and value each of them, too.” Trevor wanted the ceremony to reflect his belief that “we are all connected with one another.”
In a fun twist on “something old, something new, something borrowed” (skip the blue), we took an idea I borrowed and created a “family blessings” ritual that was uniquely their own.
I had just read a post on-line from a colleague that started with, “If I were to be called to Celebrant heaven today, I would go with such gratitude and joy.” (We Celebrants tend to LOVE our work!) She went on to describe a wedding ceremony that included a piece I thought might be perfect for Kristel and Trevor.
In the ritual, twelve ribbons represent particular gifts that are essential to a happy marriage. Kristel did a little looking around and found a list of twelve attributes that represented the pillars that would form the foundation of their marriage. They choose satin ribbons that matched Kristel’s dress and distributed them, along with the “pillar” words, to twelve of their beloved family and friends. With a fine-point marker before the ceremony, each person inscribed their ribbon with a blessing, a reflection, some words of wisdom, inspired by their assigned word.
During the ceremony, as Trevor and Kristel stood before their guests anticipating the vows they would pledge to each other, I asked each person who had prepared a ribbon to come up, in turn, to present their ribbon and read their wishes to the couple.
One at a time, the wisdom unfurled: Accept. Appreciate. Acknowledge. Affirm. Compassion. Communication. Listen. Presence. Respect. Support. Understanding. Validate.
As each presented their ribbon, I tied it onto the end of the prior ribbon. The last ribbon was tied to the first creating a beautiful circle of wishes.
Kristel told me, “I want our guests to know that the love Trevor and I share is not only is being freely given to each other, but that we love and value each of them, too.” Trevor wanted the ceremony to reflect his belief that “we are all connected with one another.”
In a fun twist on “something old, something new, something borrowed” (skip the blue), we took an idea I borrowed and created a “family blessings” ritual that was uniquely their own.
I had just read a post on-line from a colleague that started with, “If I were to be called to Celebrant heaven today, I would go with such gratitude and joy.” (We Celebrants tend to LOVE our work!) She went on to describe a wedding ceremony that included a piece I thought might be perfect for Kristel and Trevor.
In the ritual, twelve ribbons represent particular gifts that are essential to a happy marriage. Kristel did a little looking around and found a list of twelve attributes that represented the pillars that would form the foundation of their marriage. They choose satin ribbons that matched Kristel’s dress and distributed them, along with the “pillar” words, to twelve of their beloved family and friends. With a fine-point marker before the ceremony, each person inscribed their ribbon with a blessing, a reflection, some words of wisdom, inspired by their assigned word.
During the ceremony, as Trevor and Kristel stood before their guests anticipating the vows they would pledge to each other, I asked each person who had prepared a ribbon to come up, in turn, to present their ribbon and read their wishes to the couple.
One at a time, the wisdom unfurled: Accept. Appreciate. Acknowledge. Affirm. Compassion. Communication. Listen. Presence. Respect. Support. Understanding. Validate.
As each presented their ribbon, I tied it onto the end of the prior ribbon. The last ribbon was tied to the first creating a beautiful circle of wishes.
“And so we’ve come full circle. Just as Anne Morrow Lindbergh calls marriage ‘the substance of life itself,’ the number twelve carries with it the fullness of life, representing the complete cycle of the earth around the sun, the twelve houses of the zodiac; and paired, one 12 to another, the hours of the day and the hours of the night, the yin/yang of complementarity that together make up the whole.
“Trevor and Kristel, may you be inspired and supported by the twelve pillars represented by these twelve ribbons, throughout the fullness of your married life.”
With those words, Trevor and Kristel lifted the circle of ribbons over their heads, laying it on the floor around them. From within that circle they made their promises to each other, and to Kristel’s son, who joined them within the ring.
Now as they celebrate their first six months of married life, and reflect on the difficult work that follows the first blush of new love, Trevor and Kristel are finding ways to stay connected to the words of wisdom shared on that day. Last month Kristel incorporated miniature versions of the ribbons into her Valentine to Trevor. And Trevor says, “We need to hang those ribbons up somewhere so we can see them every day!”
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Read more from Kristel about the wedding ceremony I created for her and Trevor. And tell me about the rituals you've created to remind you of what's important in your life.
Now as they celebrate their first six months of married life, and reflect on the difficult work that follows the first blush of new love, Trevor and Kristel are finding ways to stay connected to the words of wisdom shared on that day. Last month Kristel incorporated miniature versions of the ribbons into her Valentine to Trevor. And Trevor says, “We need to hang those ribbons up somewhere so we can see them every day!”
* * *
Read more from Kristel about the wedding ceremony I created for her and Trevor. And tell me about the rituals you've created to remind you of what's important in your life.
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