Mama as maypole! Pregnant with her fourth child, Kate knew she didn't want a traditional, consumer-oriented baby shower. She'd experienced the support of a mama blessing ceremony with prior births. But this time, she knew it was about more than her impending labor. This was about the threshold the whole family was about to cross: her twin "big girls" and the toddler who would no longer be the baby.
Kate told me she wanted the focus of her ceremony to be on "preparing and supporting me for the labor and birth, as well as preparing the girls/family for the changing roles and family environment. Not so much about the baby herself, but more about creating a special space in the family for her and honoring each family member for the role they'll play in that. Celebrating and affirming our strength: mine, as capable of labor and birth, and the family's, as capable of welcoming the baby and adapting to the changes she'll bring with grace and love."
Kate told me she wanted the focus of her ceremony to be on "preparing and supporting me for the labor and birth, as well as preparing the girls/family for the changing roles and family environment. Not so much about the baby herself, but more about creating a special space in the family for her and honoring each family member for the role they'll play in that. Celebrating and affirming our strength: mine, as capable of labor and birth, and the family's, as capable of welcoming the baby and adapting to the changes she'll bring with grace and love."
Threshold Choir singers To create a ceremony of support for Kate and her girls, I reached out to friends she and I had made through the PDX Death Café (which is how we met - Kate was the very first person to contact me when I created our local Facebook page to launch the Café).
One offered his spectacular wonderland of a back yard as our venue. One created customizable prayer flags to carry our blessings into the birthing room. One fashioned flowers into crowns for our guests of honor. And to bring the magic of song into our gathering, I asked the Threshold Choir to participate.
One offered his spectacular wonderland of a back yard as our venue. One created customizable prayer flags to carry our blessings into the birthing room. One fashioned flowers into crowns for our guests of honor. And to bring the magic of song into our gathering, I asked the Threshold Choir to participate.
decorating prayer flags As we gathered on a glorious summer afternoon, guests greeted each other and decorated prayer flags. Everyone had been asked to bring a candle as an offering for the birthing room; we placed them in the palatial gazebo that awaited Kate and her daughters.
We formed a circle of welcome where we affirmed our intentions for the ceremony and connected through the first Threshold song ~ Gather Us together (Spirit of Harmony). We then crowned each of our beautiful honorees with a wreath of flowers. Kate had hoped her daughters would feel appreciated, comfortable, and included. To me, they looked magnificently composed and radiant. Our singers held them in the moment with Light Flows (through the heart of my love to you).
We formed a circle of welcome where we affirmed our intentions for the ceremony and connected through the first Threshold song ~ Gather Us together (Spirit of Harmony). We then crowned each of our beautiful honorees with a wreath of flowers. Kate had hoped her daughters would feel appreciated, comfortable, and included. To me, they looked magnificently composed and radiant. Our singers held them in the moment with Light Flows (through the heart of my love to you).
It was now time for the family passage ritual. We formed two lines, facing each other, a human passageway leading into the sanctuary of the gazebo. As Kate and her girls stood at the entrance to the passageway, our singers led a Meditation on Breath (when I breathe in I breathe in Peace, when I breathe out I breathe out Love).
Then, one at a time, our guests of honor slowly walked through the passageway, symbolizing the threshold of their family change, as we whispered words of support, encouragement, and blessing.
Once Kate and the girls were settled in the gazebo we gathered around them to present our gifts of light (the candles) and love (in the form of ceramic hearts). We shared John O’Donohue’s Blessing for a Mother-to-Be and the song May Only Love Surround You.
"Supported, relaxed, joyfully reverent" is how Kate had hoped to feel during the ceremony. Soon we would emerge from the cocoon of the gazebo to feast on delectable food (the big girls supplied the cupcakes), to enjoy the koi pond and the chickens and each others' company. but first, a closing song: Sim Shalom (grant peace, goodness and blessing).
Then, one at a time, our guests of honor slowly walked through the passageway, symbolizing the threshold of their family change, as we whispered words of support, encouragement, and blessing.
Once Kate and the girls were settled in the gazebo we gathered around them to present our gifts of light (the candles) and love (in the form of ceramic hearts). We shared John O’Donohue’s Blessing for a Mother-to-Be and the song May Only Love Surround You.
"Supported, relaxed, joyfully reverent" is how Kate had hoped to feel during the ceremony. Soon we would emerge from the cocoon of the gazebo to feast on delectable food (the big girls supplied the cupcakes), to enjoy the koi pond and the chickens and each others' company. but first, a closing song: Sim Shalom (grant peace, goodness and blessing).
Nothing could have prepared your heart to open like this.
From beyond the skies and the stars
This echo arrived inside of you and started to pulse with life
Each beat a tiny act of growth,
Traversing all our ancient shapes,
On its way home to itself.
Once it began, you were no longer your own.
A new, more courageous you, offering itself
In a new way to a presence you can sense
But you have not seen or known.
It has made you feel alone
In a way you never knew before;
Everyone else sees only from the outside
What you feel and feed with every fiber of your being.
Never have you traveled farther inward
Where words and thoughts become half-ligth
unable to reach the fund of brightness
Strengthening inside the night of your womb.
Like some primeval moon,
Your soul brightens
The tides of essense
That flow to your child.
You know your life has changed forever,
For in all the days and years to come,
Distance will never be able to cut you off
From the one you now carry
For nine months under your heart.
May you be blessed with quiet confidence
That destiny will guide you and mind you.
May the emerging spirit of your child
Imbibe encouragement and joy
From the continuous music of your heart,
So that it can grow with ease,
Respectant of wonder and welcome when its form is fully filled
And it makes it journey out
To see you and settle at last
Relieved and glad in your arms.
- John O’Donohue’s Blessing for a Mother-to-Be
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