In the approach to my 50th birthday, I knew I wanted a ritual that would go deeper than the typical big blow-out party (I had one of those, too). But the croning ceremonies I looked into weren't quite right. I didn’t feel like I was crossing a threshold from one status into another.
Instead I chose the theme River of Life, inspired by the short John O’Donohue poem, Fluent: "I would love to live/ Like a river flows/ Carried by the surprise/ Of its own unfolding." I wanted to honor the flow of my life and the ways that flow merges with the lifestreams of all those around me.
Instead I chose the theme River of Life, inspired by the short John O’Donohue poem, Fluent: "I would love to live/ Like a river flows/ Carried by the surprise/ Of its own unfolding." I wanted to honor the flow of my life and the ways that flow merges with the lifestreams of all those around me.
With my beloved mother
I invited a loved one from each decade of life, 5 to 74 years in age. In a ceremonial space surrounded by candlelight, a low table held a deep blue scarf representing the river, a baby photo of me at one end, and a photo of my maternal grandmother at the other. Along the way was an unlit tea light candle for each participant.
From eldest (my mother) to youngest (my niece), I called participants to their seat in the circle, sharing a few words about why I had invited each of them. Once seated, we used O’Donohue’s poem as an invocation, and I shared with the group my hopes and fears about aging:
“I’ve created this ceremony to be not just about what 50 means to me, but about the gifts that come throughout our lives, gifts of girlhood and adolescence, of young womanhood and adulthood, of middle age and older age. In honoring the gifts of the ages that have already flowed through me, and the ages that await downstream, I hope to gain greater acceptance for the flow of time.
"The truth is, sometimes the current scares me. The loss it brings feels like it might pull me under, with the loss of ones I love, the loss of faculties and powers I once enjoyed, and finally, the end of my own life. But I know that fighting against the current won’t work. It’s exhausting and it deprives me of the surprise and delight of the river’s unfolding.
"As my 50th birthday present to myself, I ask for the courage and the grace to live like a river flows, carried by the surprise of my own unfolding.”
I lit a candle placed mid-stream on the scarf next to a small Buddha figure in a wee birch bark canoe. Then, from youngest to eldest each participant shared a symbol that represented the gifts of their present age. As they placed their symbolic gift on the river, they lit a corresponding candle and took a soapstone star representing my appreciation for their role in my life. Symbols ranged from silly (a wind-up bunny reminding us of the gift of play) to sacred (a stamped tin relic of a heart, for compassion). A sumptuous crocheted slip knot, meant to symbolize the gift of letting go, failed to release, offering a serendipitous reminder of just how difficult that can be.
From eldest (my mother) to youngest (my niece), I called participants to their seat in the circle, sharing a few words about why I had invited each of them. Once seated, we used O’Donohue’s poem as an invocation, and I shared with the group my hopes and fears about aging:
“I’ve created this ceremony to be not just about what 50 means to me, but about the gifts that come throughout our lives, gifts of girlhood and adolescence, of young womanhood and adulthood, of middle age and older age. In honoring the gifts of the ages that have already flowed through me, and the ages that await downstream, I hope to gain greater acceptance for the flow of time.
"The truth is, sometimes the current scares me. The loss it brings feels like it might pull me under, with the loss of ones I love, the loss of faculties and powers I once enjoyed, and finally, the end of my own life. But I know that fighting against the current won’t work. It’s exhausting and it deprives me of the surprise and delight of the river’s unfolding.
"As my 50th birthday present to myself, I ask for the courage and the grace to live like a river flows, carried by the surprise of my own unfolding.”
I lit a candle placed mid-stream on the scarf next to a small Buddha figure in a wee birch bark canoe. Then, from youngest to eldest each participant shared a symbol that represented the gifts of their present age. As they placed their symbolic gift on the river, they lit a corresponding candle and took a soapstone star representing my appreciation for their role in my life. Symbols ranged from silly (a wind-up bunny reminding us of the gift of play) to sacred (a stamped tin relic of a heart, for compassion). A sumptuous crocheted slip knot, meant to symbolize the gift of letting go, failed to release, offering a serendipitous reminder of just how difficult that can be.
When we reached the end of the river, we sang an old Girl Scout song together and burned squares of tissue paper inscribed with anything we wished to release. Then, as you may have anticipated, we rose and drank and feasted!
* * *
Peace I Ask of Thee, Oh River
Peace I ask of thee, oh river
Peace, peace, peace
When I learn to live serenely
Cares will cease.
From the hills I gather courage
Visions of the days to be
Strength to lead and faith to follow
All are given unto me.
Peace I Ask of Thee, Oh River
Peace I ask of thee, oh river
Peace, peace, peace
When I learn to live serenely
Cares will cease.
From the hills I gather courage
Visions of the days to be
Strength to lead and faith to follow
All are given unto me.
RSS Feed