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Litany of Remembrance, Revived

7/19/2016

6 Comments

 
PictureNoah Goldstein, 21
Last month, my high school best friend got the call every parent dreads. His child, newly graduated from college and about to start his first professional theater job, killed by a hit-and-run driver.

I was able to offer a small consolation for the stricken family and friends who flew from around the country to Noah's memorial service. Over the years, I've found the call-and-response Litany of Remembrance a useful way, in a secular service, for participants to join their voices together. It both anticipates the many ways the presence of the deceased loved one will be felt, and serves as a collective pledge to keep a place for them as life goes on.

Written by Roland B. Gittelsohn, an American Rabbi who served as Jewish Marine Corps Chaplain during the WWII battle of Iwo Jima, the Litany is often used in group ceremonies, hence the standard refrain, We remember them. With my clients, I suggest the more direct, We remember you.

The most powerful part of the Litany often comes when I encourage participants to add scenarios of their own that are likely to provoke memories, following the standard recital of seasons and emotional states. Specifics range from the teary to the playful. For my friend Marcy, an uncompromising conservationist always guarding against the waste of water, after When we have joys to share, we remember you, we heard When we flush the toilet, we remember you.

Helping a family prepare to bury their 31 year-old son recently, also killed instantly in a road accident, I suggested the idea of a customized Litany. Parents, siblings, aunts and uncles spent an hour or two crying, laughing, coming up with lines associated with precious stories, favorite attributes. The result used only the structure from Gittelsohn's original; every word of tribute represented a collective act of creativity by this devastated family.

I shared their example with my old friend Rich, and he and his family did the same for Noah. He sent it to me after the service with this note: "
Please feel free to share it if it can help anyone else."

​In the warmth of a Noah-like hug
we remember you
 
At the sight of teal colored hair
we remember you
 
in the crazy concoction of snacks, desserts, and beverages 
we remember you
 
when seeing an action to right social injustice
we remember you
 
in the sight of a theater
we remember you
 
When seeing true passion in action
we remember you
 
When hearing Ferdinand being read aloud 
we remember you
 
When we see a Ninja
we remember you
 
When we have joys we yearn to share 
we remember you
 
Noah, so long as we live, you too shall live,
for you are a part of all who have known you.
6 Comments
lisa link
7/20/2016 06:19:08 pm

Hi Holly,
Thanks for sharing this. It is beautiful to image the laughter and tears the family would have generated as they worked on the remembrance. What a wonderful way to engage them.
Lisa Hartley, Family Celebrant
Simply Ceremony

Reply
Holly Pruett
8/11/2016 05:18:26 pm

Yes, Lisa, tears, laughter, the joys and sorrows of feeling the presence of the loved one even in their absence... Such a powerful practice.

Reply
Cathy Zheutlin link
8/1/2016 01:59:46 pm

I might want to use this for the martyrology segment of Jewish High Holidays on Yom Kippur. Thank you

Reply
Holly Pruett
8/11/2016 05:19:14 pm

Cathy, I (and readers of my blog) would love to hear how that goes if you try it! Please keep me posted.

Reply
Thalia
8/10/2016 11:29:14 pm

Thank you for sharing-- and reimagining-- this powerful ritual, Holly.

Reply
Holly Pruett
8/11/2016 05:19:58 pm

Thanks, Thalia. I've loved seeing the creativity and the love unleashed by this simple verbal ritual.

Reply



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  • Holly Pruett Celebrant LLC – Creative Life Ceremonies from Cradle to Grave
  • Certified Life-Cycle Celebrant ® | Funeral & Wedding Officiant | Interfaith Minister
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