obtaining the marriage license How do you celebrate your marriage when you already consider yourselves wed?
Holly Blue and her life partner P faced this "unique and wonderful dilemma" after the US Supreme Court lifted California's ban on same-sex couples marrying. They had already sanctified their union in a Jewish wedding ceremony over six years ago.
Their vows to each other had been recognized by their family, congregation, and community but now - as Holly told friends in an email - "as a result of years of civil rights work and passionate volunteer hours by folks like all of us, we are able to have our marriage recognized and affirmed by the state and federal government."
What to do?
Holly Blue and her life partner P faced this "unique and wonderful dilemma" after the US Supreme Court lifted California's ban on same-sex couples marrying. They had already sanctified their union in a Jewish wedding ceremony over six years ago.
Their vows to each other had been recognized by their family, congregation, and community but now - as Holly told friends in an email - "as a result of years of civil rights work and passionate volunteer hours by folks like all of us, we are able to have our marriage recognized and affirmed by the state and federal government."
What to do?
the view from their B&B First: the pragmatic. Concerned that this new legal reality might prove to be fleeting (the freedom to marry had been granted and taken away before), Holly told friends, 'We picked the date carefully as a sort of leaping through what may prove to be a passing window of opportunity.' She likened it to Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid "leaping into the legal unknown".
Next: "How and when to seal this piece in a spiritually authentic manner?" given they had already held a ceremony affirming their spiritual marriage. After weeks of pondering and discussion, often in the company of another couple, good friends in the same situation, the two couples settled on a plan. They would meet at the County Clerk's office and witness each other's legal pronouncement.
After the simple ceremony, the pairs retreated to a B&B on the coast "to sit back and absorb the personal and historic significance of what has taken place."
Next: "How and when to seal this piece in a spiritually authentic manner?" given they had already held a ceremony affirming their spiritual marriage. After weeks of pondering and discussion, often in the company of another couple, good friends in the same situation, the two couples settled on a plan. They would meet at the County Clerk's office and witness each other's legal pronouncement.
After the simple ceremony, the pairs retreated to a B&B on the coast "to sit back and absorb the personal and historic significance of what has taken place."
photo from the Santa Cruz Sentinel Finally: the party. In sharing their news with friends, the couples said, "We want to celebrate with you! And - we've already had weddings and wedding receptions years ago."
They framed their solution within Jewish tradition: "Instead of breaking another glass, we want to repair the world, with you at our side." They proposed a work party and invited suggestions about the beneficiary. The favorite choice was a beach clean up.
On the designated day, their friends and members of their congregations showed up to carry off 150 pounds of rubbish from the shoreline. The local newspaper showed up too, alerted by the sponsoring organization. Apparently celebrating a wedding by mustering a work crew was newsworthy! (Alas, the reporter didn't realize the joint celebration was in honor of two couples; just a little too far outside the norm, perhaps.)
And that, dear readers, is the story - as Holly puts it - of "how two 'old married couples' decided to navigate the changing landscape of the Dominant Paradigm".
They framed their solution within Jewish tradition: "Instead of breaking another glass, we want to repair the world, with you at our side." They proposed a work party and invited suggestions about the beneficiary. The favorite choice was a beach clean up.
On the designated day, their friends and members of their congregations showed up to carry off 150 pounds of rubbish from the shoreline. The local newspaper showed up too, alerted by the sponsoring organization. Apparently celebrating a wedding by mustering a work crew was newsworthy! (Alas, the reporter didn't realize the joint celebration was in honor of two couples; just a little too far outside the norm, perhaps.)
And that, dear readers, is the story - as Holly puts it - of "how two 'old married couples' decided to navigate the changing landscape of the Dominant Paradigm".
Honestly, as someone who began the lifetime journey of coming out (one is never done with that) 40 years ago, I never would have imagined back in the 1970’s that I as an individual or we as a society would have reached this possibility in my lifetime. ~ Holly Blue Hawkins
RSS Feed