Questions to Inform a Eulogy

As a gift to the community during the COVID-19 pandemic, here are questions I draw from as a Funeral Celebrant when I'm partnering with families to help them tell a life's story. With gratitude to my teachers and mentors through the Celebrant Foundation and Institute for some of this content, and the dozens of clients who have further shaped them.

These questions may help

• family members prepare what they would like to share during a ceremony
• a person preparing for their own death determine what they would like to share about their life
• inform the writing of a central eulogy or obituary

Choose only those questions that appeal to you; there is no need to answer them all!
 
Full Name:
Nicknames, how referred to by family/ loved ones:
Date of Birth:
Date of Death:

1. Biographical details, for example:
   
   • Circumstances of birth: where, characteristics of family (ie birth order)…
     
   • Childhood: Schools, organizations, clubs, athletics, friends, family, personality traits, health, travel hobbies, looks, tastes, talents, likes and dislikes of any kind such as:  nature, animals, sports, cooking, arts, languages, difficulties, special achievements.
     
   • Teenage years: Schools/universities, organizations, clubs, athletics, friends, family, personality traits, political, faith based or secular, health, travel, hobbies, looks, tastes, talents, likes and dislikes of any kind such as:  nature, animals, sports, cooking, arts, languages, difficulties, special achievements.
     
   • Adult years: Relationships & Family: married, divorced, remarried, committed relationships, homes, jobs, organizations, military service, titles, athletics, friends, family, personality traits, health, travel, hobbies, looks, tastes, talents, likes and dislikes of any kind such as:  nature, animals, sports, cooking, arts, languages, difficulties, special achievements.
     
   • Marriage/ Children/ Grandchildren:
2.  Interesting/ illustrative stories to share from anyone in the family?
3. Favorite memories?
4. Are there writings from the honoree, excerpts from letters or emails that allow us to hear them in their own words? 
5. What was most important in their life?
6. What was s/he passionate about; what got them excited?
7. What did s/he find joy in doing?
8. What were their dreams?
9. Favorite ways to spend time?
10. Favorite books/ authors?
11. Were there any significant events in their life that had a strong impact or influence on how s/he lived their life?
12. What was their philosophy of life? Did s/he have any favorite sayings? A motto that sums up their approach to life?
13. Cultural beliefs or traditions that could be tapped at this time?
14. Beliefs s/he held about dying, death, or what happens after death?
15. What were their religious or philosophical beliefs?
16. What did s/he find sacred or of value?
17. What symbols or rituals were meaningful?
18. What were their favorite possessions?
19. Favorite color/flowers?
20. What were their strengths and weaknesses?
21. Is there a shadow side to be acknowledged, aspects of the personality or life story that were difficult but a core part of who they were that deserve to be honored?
22. If they were a character in a movie or a play, what role best describes them?
23. What words best describe them?
24. If you had to choose only one word to describe their essence?
25. What did s/he do to make you laugh? 
26. How would s/he want to be remembered?
27. What will you do to honor their memory?
28. When you remember them, where do you picture them?
29. What do/will you miss the most?
30. How would you describe their legacy, i.e. what about them, or of their life, is living on? What was the most important thing they taught you?
31. What theme would you like to run through their ceremony? ie “the story of ______ is the story of…”
32. Is there other source material that could be woven into the eulogy, e.g. condolence notes, things written by or about the honoree at earlier times in their life, favorite song lyrics or verses?
33. What else….?

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