Holly Pruett
  • Home
  • Blog

Supporting a Birth Mother before Adoption

2/4/2013

 
Picture
How do you support a young woman who is preparing to give birth to a baby she won’t raise as her own?

Friends came to me as they prepared to welcome a baby through an open adoption. They wanted to do something for the birth mother - their niece - to honor her pregnancy and support her impending childbirth while making space for the sorrow around giving up her child.

A contemporary baby shower with its silly games and consumer-fest of tiny outfits and parenting gear clearly wasn’t called for. What were the alternatives?

Blessing Way ceremonies were becoming popular but we were loathe to appropriate this sacred Navajo religious rite. So we started by trying to clarify our intentions: What were we trying to accomplish with this ceremony? Why was this important…to the birth mother, the adoptive mothers, the larger family? What kind of experience did we hope the birth mother would have?  What did she need to carry her through the physical and emotional labors ahead? How could we as her community express our support, our love, our pride in her, along with our concern?

We gathered ideas from the internet and other sources, but - most importantly - we talked to the birth mother about what appealed to her. Ultimately, we incorporated a variety of elements. 

Picture
We pampered her, hiring a henna tattoo artist to adorn her as we wove a garland for her hair from flowers each of us had brought, and created a necklace of beads, one from each of us. We listened to her: she spoke to each participant in turn about her hopes and her needs. We pledged our connection to her, symbolized by looping red strings around our wrists, tying us all together, then cutting the links at the end of the ceremony, leaving individual bracelets to be worn until her childbirth was finished. We each left with a candle to light when we learned that her labor had begun.

Perhaps the most significant element was the circle of women who attended. She chose her mother, her step-grandmother (the mother of one of the adoptive moms), the birthfather's mother, the two adoptive mothers, and two of their closest friends (who would be the baby's aunties).

Together, we aligned ourselves with women who throughout time and every culture have gathered to support their sisters and daughters through childbirth - and we made sure that Caroline's place in this lineage was fully honored.    

Nancy wernecke
2/5/2013 11:08:11 am

What a beautiful ritual.

Holly
2/5/2013 11:14:28 am

Thanks, Nancy. It was a really special experience to be a part of. I'm always so touched by the many ways we can be family to each other.


Comments are closed.
    Picture
    Picture

    Archives

    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    October 2012
    September 2012

    Author

    I want to know your story. And I want to help you tell it. If you’re eager to embrace the meaning in your life and to connect more deeply with others, you’ve found a kindred spirit in me.

    Categories

    All
    Adventures
    Anniversaries
    Beginning Of Life
    Ceremonies
    Coming Of Age
    Community
    House Rituals
    Memorials
    Pet Loss
    Publications
    Seasons
    Transitions
    Tributes
    Weddings

    RSS Feed


  • Holly Pruett Celebrant LLC – Creative Life Ceremonies from Cradle to Grave
  • Certified Life-Cycle Celebrant ® | Funeral & Wedding Officiant | Interfaith Minister
  • [email protected] | 503.348.0967 | Portland, Oregon, USA
  • Copyright © 2012 | Design by Red Door Designs
  • eMail
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Google Plus
  • RSS Feed
Design by Weebly Templates and Weebly Themes
Storybrand Website Design by Red Door Designs